A Gemini North Node Return
The North Node can be guiding light in these times we find ourselves in, as so many of us are getting lost in the mental spheres of existence and distracted from reaching towards our destiny. The north node is in constant communication with us, sending us signs and signals to follow if we can quiet ourselves enough to listen. I’m the most drawn to it, magnetized by it’s ability to draw us into the future and sometimes out of our own morass of personal karma even if just for a moment.
For those who are new to astrology, the north node is otherwise called “Head of the Dragon” while the South Node is the “Tale of the Dragon” in traditional astrology. The south node represents our past, where we came from before we incarnated into this life. It represents an energy we feel comfortable inside in this life, where we easily and naturally excel, where we find refuge amidst the harshness of the world. The head of the dragon, the North Node is where we are directed by our soul intention in this life. It may represent an energy that is foreign to us, an energy we are called to inhabit, an ever morphing goalpost on our evolutionary journey. It is connected to heavenly transformation, bringing our soul down into physical form.
The heroic urge to be active and to battle the impulse to regress is constellated at this node. Like the head, which is the seat of consciousness and the container of the brain, the North Node is the rational pole and the one disposed toward Heaven. Often, North Node experiences are illuminating and awakening but are unable to be integrated or held.
I’ve not formally studied North Node returns, but I will try to describe my experience of it here in the hope that it will benefit others. My North Node is in 6 degrees of Gemini in my 10th house so the experience will be seen through this lens. The basic feeling of the transformation though may be similar across different North Node returns in different signs. First let’s hear a little bit about the North Node in Gemini according to Kabbalistic Astrology By Rav Berg:
…(In the past) The satisfaction of your own immediate needs dominated your whole life. You lived an active life and did whatever you wanted to do, but you could not commit yourself to any cause that was not directly concerned with your own immediate interest.
Oof. Ok, yeah, true. What else?
…sharing does not restrain your freedom; it enhances it. By opening yourself up to the needs of others in this life, you will overcome the leftover self-absorption that has hindered your spiritual transformation. By communicating openly, you can experience deeper fulfillment than you were able to find in the limited immediate pleasures that you settled for in your previous life, and receive the benefit that the Light wants to share with all of us.
At the beginning of April I came to Menorca, Spain to be with my virtual partner of the last 4 years. Spain is represented by the sign of Sagittarius, which is my South Node, so it is a possible place of rest and integration for me. With the help of being in a completely different context I have been able to track my inner experiences more deeply than I would if I were in the U.S. working incessantly as I’m wont to do.
A north node in Gemini is mainly about communication. I’d started to develop an ability to communicate between different worlds, mainly through my bodywork with clients: between different ideologies, different empathic currents inside myself, earth spirits and humans, between Mary Magdalene and my clients, just to name a few examples. Most of this communication happens for me in the psychic and energy transference realms or inwardly. Where this channel was once a trickle, now it feels more and more like a steady river of information flowing down into me.
My verbal communication in the past has been harsh, using hard words with others and about others. A negative gossip we can say. Lately there seems to be an ever so slight turning and softening around this aspect. I realize I’m not the authority on everything (shadow Sagittarius energy), eating humble pie is almost an impossible act for my ego, who wants to be the Nostradamus of our time, but I see it’s exactly the next step in this process if I want to assimilate myself into what Spirit is wanting.
Another piece that’s also dropping into my vision now via a very powerful teacher of deep earth magic is a trust and belief in my own and others rightful incarnation. For my whole life in some way I’ve been completely obsessed with how I don’t belong here on earth. I don’t feel safe here, I don’t like how society functions, I see the effects of my humanity upon the earth and I gasp, and I communicate this heartache to everyone I meet through my actions, words, intentions. Coronavirus and the conspiracy backlash have exacerbated this ever deepening spiral of sadness at the perceived hopelessness of life. Fires and smoke outside my door led me into a feeling of despair I’ve never felt before. I went down the deep dark rabbit hole, feeling like I only wanted to wallow in grief of our turning world. I communicated these belief systems to the people around me through my words, actions and intentions. People can tell when you have one foot out the door.
Now on the precipice of my North North return I am becoming aware of a different mode of being. I’m seeing my constant life-negating tendencies.
While our life experiences may conspire to split Heaven and Earth, it is along the nodal axis where the effort to couple the sacred with the mundane occurs. This attempt to join together the head and tail of the dragon is reminiscent of the Ouroboros.- Brian Clark, The Dragon’s Tale: Symbolism and the Lunar Nodes
I am in a safe space to finally hear the call to come deeper into the earth. I do belong here, we all do. We will incarnate into this life come literal hell and high water. The beginning step for me is to recognize in all the little ways I think I am not enough and the world is not enough. Yes, I feel joy but then it’s very often followed with a tinge of critical sadness that I cannot possess whatever it is. I want to enjoy my life but then I get lost in the outward violence and destruction around me, in all the ways people disappoint me, in a rampant sadness at our perceived self abandoning ways. I’m seeing now this isn’t the complete story, or perhaps it isn’t even true at all. In fact the greater human truth that this life is absolutely magical, completely connected with all the realms of being, infused with spirit at every turn could be the “Real Truth”. How do we start to see the shape of the world to come when we are swimming in the deepest oceans of grief sorrows in this transition phase?
I have started to feel what the new earth is like and it feels crisp and clear like a cool October day. People interact without tendrils of personal attachment underlying every single relationship; finally we know we are supposed to be here so we let loose that constant need for looking for safety in another.
In my outer life I’ve started to write everyday. I cannot halt this process, finally words are flowing out of me like never before. Without a million and one people to communicate my experience to at every hour of the day I distill and let the thoughts marinate until they are ready to be fully spoken. This has been a gift of living in a foreign land. I don’t know what will come of the writing if anything, I can’t even begin to know why I’m being bestowed with this gift now after a lifetime of stagnation in this realm.
With portals opening up to other worlds and communication flowing it can become a little crowded. It’s slow going these days for me. I am assimilating information until I make my next move. A past life specialist who I spoke to recently told me that my soul is so nomadic in nature I would need to be picked up and somehow dropped in different places of the earth to understand them kinetically. I’ve known this experience well and that at this moment I will need to start a list of requirements for my life to gain clarity, so I’m not a lost wanderer but a wanderer with magical intentions. I won’t lead a normal life probably ever in my soul’s evolution. Becoming an accountant is not in my future or my past.
More than anything this north node return feels like a huge wave-like push towards the future. My future self, the future of the planet, future orientation in all aspects. I can’t quite see the it clearly but I’m not meant to most likely. With the future pulling me forward with such raw power I can only await the next adventure my soul has planned for me and my loves.
Kabbalistic Astrology: And the Meaning of Our Lives by Rav Berg
The Dragon’s Tale: Symbolism and the Lunar Nodes
